I was a neighbour to a man. The man wanted to see everything in his home be in my home too. He wanted my family to cook proportionally to his. He expected me to buy clothes he buys to his children. He could always ask me to dress like him. He had a car. I didn’t have a car. He could always question why I didn’t have a car like him. He was a man born in a family with accumulated wealth. His mistake was comparing his story with mine. I knew his story but he didn’t know my story.
One day, I surprised people that I would have a wedding without many expenses. They could not believe until it happened. During the wedding I read many faces. I could only read mockeries in some faces. I am happy I read some faces sympathising with me. I recorded some tears dropping down from some people’s eyes.
Those with mockeries were those who were questioning why I could go for such a wedding without a standard. They remembered Mr John who wedded in Freedom hall the other day. In his wedding, big people from both government and private organizations attended. In his wedding, everyone was fed enough. Everyone danced. There were bridal team and groom mates well dressed. I had none. John’s wedding was remarked the best. Yes, John had such a standard wedding, but is his story mine?
The sympathising faces were heart-broken. That day, they witnessed a wedding with only the bride and groom without people escorting them; a wedding where the bride and groom ate beans like others. They concluded I had no persons. Some had to volunteer to support me with my wife. They became my people that very day. Those are human beings who have no boundaries. They can even give food to lions. They don’t care whether that is a lion which cannot give them anything in return. What they know is helping a lion who has no one to help.
The sympathising faces touched my heart. They taught me a story I won’t forget in my life. Though what they did was a saying that we should help because they have learned he has no people, I owe them gladness. They have educated me. They gave the only money left in their pockets; the only transport fares they had. They decided to go footing just to show kindness to me and my wife.
I surely had people. But my story is very different. In my story, I don’t have specific people. I was not raised by my biological father. I got my education through friends and organizations’ support. I have lived with so many different people. It was the reason my wedding was celebrated by the world. In my wedding there were many nationalities. If some people thought I had no people that day. I am telling them I had people that day. Everyone who was there was the person I actually needed to support me and my wife. I will continue to live my life for human race, not for some people.
Let me continue to tell readers. I read some people with tears dropping from their eyes. Some of them cried because they thought I didn’t deserve to be wedded like that. They have bigger picture of who Mr Lam is. They know Mr Lam is a big teacher. They concluded the wedding was a humiliation. I want to tell them; it wasn’t a humiliation. I actually deserve such a simple wedding. My value is the value of any other human being. I deserve what a normal human being deserves.
Some of my friends shed tears when it came the time for gifts. They might have seen from other weddings. When the programmer calls for those with gifts to present, there is always a jam. But at my wedding, they could only see a few of them. For them they concluded I was hated by all. They would not cry if they knew my story. I know I am loved by all. I have touched lives as a teacher, mentor, trainer, and church preacher. I don’t conclude people love me because of what they give me. The only time I know people love me is when they love what I do to them. It is when they accept my advice. It is when they are happy when I help them. I did not cry for receiving gifts. I was very happy. Our importance is not determined by how much we receive; it is determined by how much we give.
When I reached home, the gifts thought to be very small did what no one can imagine. During the dry season, you just need a little drop of rain. In a hot day, you need a little cold water. Much of it will break your heart. When there is severe hunger, a little food is helpful. Much food does not help. When you are very tired, you just need a little rest. I am grateful for any simple act of kindness.
I was lucky to see also some tears of joy! There were people who didn’t expect such a wedding to happen. Seeing it happening made them shed tears. Some young people got inspired. What they thought very hard to do was done just like a joke. They had hope that they can even do it the same way. They got encouraged that I broke the record of spending more money on wedding than even the dowry. Some of those young people know me. They know if it comes to the question of importance, I am a person who can claim more importance than most of them. But it happened to me!
One may have many thoughts of how a wedding should look like. But the definition of a wedding remains the same. My officiating pastor told the listeners that the certificate he had given to me and my wife is the same certificate presidents and kings receive if they have their weddings in church. The common purpose is uniting the man and the woman before God and many witnesses. That is the perfect definition of a wedding.
My communication to people who think I looked very small and poor that day. I did not think like you did. I was instead the happiest. That was the best I deserved, not because I belittle myself. I know my potentials. I have my uniqueness. I believe there is no one like me. I have my own story.
If someone should thank God, he/she should thank God for my wife and I. It is not easy to take the decision we had taken. Many young men would rather choose to impregnate or slope a girl. My wife and I have agreed to respect our parents, the church and the government of South Sudan. The highest respect in life is seen in marriage. A girl who respects her parents is married in a broad day light. She avoids sex before the legal marriage. A boy who likewise obeys her parents will not impregnate a girl. The government of South Sudan following the customary laws accepts to imprison a young man who impregnates or slopes a girl.
There are many young men who are not getting married because they have no money to spend for the wedding. They have attended many expensive weddings and they choose to be like such people. I too have attended big weddings. I attended a wedding of my friend which was done in Freedom Hall. Imagine a young man hiring Freedom Hall; that must be a lot of money saved. I was not going to marry if I had compared myself with him. I just concluded his story was not my story.
As a young man, don’t conclude you should go for illegal marriage because you haven’t enough money to conduct a wedding. I should tell you I did it with fewer expenses. A friend of mine told me that the reason he had decided to impregnate her fiancée was because he did not have enough resources to spend for dowry and wedding. I had such thoughts at first. But I read my own story. I had learned my story was never like my friend’s story.
Even at my wedding, people thought it was a joke. Some people wanted to give it another name than wedding. They had no reason to associate it with the name wedding. But I am telling you my wedding was recorded in heaven as the best wedding ever conducted on earth. A wedding filled with honesty. A wedding filled with courage. A wedding filled with kindness. Leave people to think the way they think. Focus on what you see is best for you. Some people might have belittled me but and I did not belittle myself. Some might have said it is because I am a teacher. I want to tell them they are wrong. It is only courage and honesty. It is only respect to our integrity.
Keep up your integrity. Go legal. God, our culture and the government all agree that marriage should be done in a broad day light with the participation of the two families, the church and the government in it. The only shame in marriage is not doing it the simple way. It is doing it the illegal way. Be kind to the nation.